Will's scattered thoughts

Jul 20, 2006

CONSTRUCTION

THIS SITE IS UNDER MAJOR CONSTRUCTION!!!!! BUT I'll KEEP BLOGGIN

Posted at 09:14 pm by wabbit
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Jul 16, 2006

BIG FRIGGIN mASSIVE WEEKEND

[Currently listening 2][nuffin]
[mOod][don't give a shit]
[chatting tO][sis]
[thinking abt][sleep.....]

WoW this weekend has been big massive weekend.i haven't sleep yet...only for like 4 hours and trying to blog because i am bored, i know i should be in bed but i am not.. well i don't want to..it is only 6:48pm so i think i can hold it a little while before i conk out on the street somewhere.. lol!

Started if with....

Friday : oh man, OBVILION was on at space, i still had 50 tickets to sell, man i blame this all on my friggin uni hip hop society. They were suppose to help me but they didn't, they were the one that wanted to hook up with the club organisers and stuff like that and they couldn't even keep contact with me for once. oh well, i had a special pass =) because i help them promote and yea.. you know, i tried to sell may tickets as i can. It wasn't so bad, espically when i a piss drunk already and trying to sell tickets. Went LIVO today, with loreto to pick up Ralph and then headed back to Kogarah. When we got back, i went back home so i can get ready, about an hr later [**most of my time eating**] i headed towards loreto's house because we were meeting up there to drink up frist. When i got there most people started drinking already and loreto is like bro, you late, you need to catch up! omg.. and hey gave me couple of drinks to skull .. arrgh!! so bad.. hehe but it was fun! =) Anyway.. stay there till about 9pm, and i had to head to ct becuase i was selling ticket tonight and needed to be there early. Meet up with couple of my friends in the city, sold some tickets to them, and yea everything work out fine =) I've got couple of people who doged me as well dammit and i was reserving tickets for them as well... Anyway... then meet up with michelle, annie and mel so i could give them their tickets. The night turn out alright, Michelle [**My best sis drove me back home**]...how nice =)

Saturday : hmm shopping with mel, michelle and kitty today. **Arrgh** michelle was suppose to wake me up early, but she rung me around 12:30 or 1 can't remember, but yea, she is like are you ready, and i am like no..! i am still sleeping! omg... and i though i was going into city with her together but she was already at wollicreek oh well, i told her to keep going and i'll catch up with her at the ct. Hmm .. i had to eat first and then got ready, but i've realised it was raining so i just decided to wait abit for the rain stop...omg.. when it finally stop i was like friggin 4hr late lol!! haha meet up at them at market city hehe and first thing the girls do is give me all their stuff to carry!! what a lazy people! lol .. then we ate at market city! and it was time for me to go because i have a friend bday tonight that i needed to go to! so got back home, get changed because he told us to wear formal to semi-formal clothing! Arrgh, well it is just a dinner thingy so oh man, got there , so much food and i was drinking there too..less eating but more drinking lol we stayed at the resturant till 11 and it was time for us to head toward ct becuase sam, jr and i are heading to GAS! hehe man the music was awsome! friggin, and during the night, sam asked me to come day club i am like man dude, we been out all morning because GAS finishes at 6am and then they wanted to go day club, since i have never been, i decided to tag along, i was on the dance floor most of the time, it was fun! when your type of music was playing!! FRIGGIN HETIC HARDSTYLE!! hehe anyway..when we left at 6am JR couldn't go because he has to go church, so it was only michel, sam, vas, and 2 of his friends, caught a cab to hunter bar on hunter street, fark! it was full packed inside! omg! i thnk most people in there are like friggin party animals!! LOL oh well .. spent most of my sunday there till 12pm that is when it closed and started to walk back to george street cinema! because JR said he was picking us up! which was cool! didn't feel like public transport! wasn't in the mood! **thanks JR** so jr drove michel, who lives all the way in livo! omg!! [**wooop wooop**] lol and then headed back to kogarah! where he drove me back to graham's place! well i took like 3hr sleep and i didn't want to sleep no more! Parents called, they got the shits because i haven't been back home yet! arrgh!!

Posted at 07:46 pm by wabbit
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Jul 13, 2006

BOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTT!!

[Currently listening 2][nuffin]
[mOod][confused]
[chatting tO][sis]
[thinking abt][driving Graham's car tomorrow]

wohoo...! The highlight of today would be DRIVING GRAHAM's CAR!! scary as hell but so much fun and addictive!! just BOOOOSTTINGG!! grrr anyway.. i had a lot of calls from people this morning, some i can't even remember, maybe that is because i was sleeping and then went back to sleep! LOL when i woke up, i had to ring up people who i though that they might of rung me this morning! Turn out that Mel rung this morning. She was asking if i wanted to go watch movie today! but i guess i didn't have enough time to catch all the way to LIVO!! [**woop woop**] land !! haha oh well .. but i was expecting a call from Graham because he did say he was going to call me today around about 11 just to wake me up. Well i needed to wake me up because i was going to drive for him, just driving his car so that he could get his "PINK SLIP", man... getting a pink slip is a bit of a BITCH to get..GRR .. we drove to so many place just to get a pink slip for his car and most of the places were buzy. This is the only day he could get his car out because he is working most of the days, and most of you would be wondering "why doesn't he drive the car byhimself.. " [ well the reason is that, he lost his license LOL !! tsk tsk!! but that is alright, that give me a chance to drive in his car!! wohoo! i always wanted to drive his car .. so good, but i guess i am not that good with manual, i mean i can drive manual but i wouldn't call myself a best manual driver! I still do some stupid shit!
DAMN! it was so SCARY driving his car! but at the same time, it give you like MASSIVE adrenalin RUSH! HEHE and did i mention it was addictive too!! haha.. man if i keep driving his car i think i am going to LOSSe my license!! [arrgh knock on wood!! **knock on my head**] hehe!
The day ended without getting a pink slip at all, i guess we have to go tomorrow! GOOD for me because i get to drive his car again but BAD for him because, it will be waste of his sleeping time! =( ah well .. what can ya do?!?! hmm .. so went back to his place and just chill, i taught him what i know about playing guitar and he practice all night! while i just browse though the net! just watching some episode called "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" omg it is such a crack up! haha .. so funny.. it is the funniest clip i've ever seen lol.. so good too !! hehehe well most of my day was at his house, just spending time on his computer while he is just practice playing the Guitar. Then he had to take a nap because he starts work at 11pm and didn't finish till like 10am the next morning..feel sorry for him. He is basically working night shift, he said his night shift would be over this week...woHOO time for us to buy couple bottles of alchi and polish them! lol !! WElll me and him decided on give up everything! including smoking! =) which is a good thing, only thing we going to keep doing is drinking alchi! that about it.. but everything else we are giving it up, by everything else i mean "smoking" ciggi! SO This is my last day of smoking...no more!!
anyway.. Then went to bum with james, because he was bored we just bum and i got to play his electric guitar and i sorta learn to play cannon D [rock version] went maccas chill for abit, play bit of poker!

anyway.. that's all for today

peace willz

Posted at 04:58 am by wabbit
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Jul 11, 2006

AWSOME DRUNKEN WEEKENED

[Currently listening 2][nuffin]
[mOod][content]
[chatting tO][dj xile]
[thinking abt][OBVILION this friday night, y she wud msg me]

wow...it has been a while since i bloged! **think** Right now my life is consumed by alcohol =), not just a little bit .. but whole lot =) almost everyday...There are some few exciting things that i did over the weekends.. like paint ball and damian's party which was awsome =)

THis is how my weekend started...

Friday : went to bed at 4am in the morning woke up at 5:30 because we were meeting up with bunch of friends around 6:00am. TOday was a big day =) lol i was so excited because today.."we are going paint ball" hehe yay!! finally!! the day has come.. so we got there and went maccas for breaky! omg! my parents didn't even say a thing **can't believe it** hahha well it is good in a way because it is a holiday and they can't complain much like they used to while i was at uni LOL which is good for me. Anyway... we go there picked up Alan and Andrew [**i fink**] hehe sorry not good with remembering names. OMG everyone in the car was worried becuase we though we were the last person to get there but.. it wasn't like that .. we were 2nd last person to get there =) ahaha oh man everyone was late!! grr should of had an extra hrs of sleep! but ah well . i am too excited for that .. Anyway.. so there were 4-5 cars carying about 5 passengers each car..! so there were about 20-25 people already.. lol .. and then when we go to the free way some people forgot to pick up chirstine grr.. haha so we had to pull over on the m5 haha wait 20min haha grr it was freezing cold! the funny thing was.. James bought a Guitar so we took it out and started playing it on the free way.. all the cars that just pass by keep looking at us.. thinking ** what a weird people** lol ah well .. we were thinking of just putting our hat on the road, thinking people might actually throw some coin at us! haha it would of been funny if it did =) hehe Anyway.. we finally got to the place around about 9:30 .. abit of a long drive, but you know we got ready and pumped FOR SOME ACTION!! AHAHAH from 10-4 we were playing non stop! haha which is pretty cool! it has like capture the flag and stuff like that .. my fav course was hide and seek ! omg! i got some pplz with a head shot lol !! DAMMIT!! THE GUNS AREN't STRAIGHT! grr!! what a waste of bullets !! lol oh well ... the day ended with me and james droping pplz off and then me heading straight home! well there were suppose to clubbing but i am too tired for that.. and GOT NO MONEY!! haha

Saturday : Friggin Graham called me like 11 while i am still in bed sleeping! grr . haha he told me to come over already so we could start drinkin! i am like serious! but i didn't end up getting to DAMO's place around 5:00pm haha caz i woke up at 3pm.hehe IT was damo's bday today!! lol and there were lots and lots of alcohol haha so when i got there .. first thing i do grab and bottle and start drinking .. we drank all night till 12 next day.. there were people mixing too =) good music and stuff.. and end up playing guitar all night lol!! haha FARK my fingers are sore now!! dammit!! and i am still drunk the next day..me and my mate finished a bottle of jonny walker (red) in 45 friggin minute! but i drove graham and myself back home! thank god i didn't get caught!! arrgh!! that would of lost my license !! grrrr!! OH WELL .. SO LUCKY!!

Anyway...that is all for the weekend because i spend like sunday-monday just recovering!! grr.. haha

peace
willz

Posted at 08:08 pm by wabbit
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Jul 5, 2006

Beginning Of Semister hOlidays

[Currently listening 2][Aaliyah - the One i gave my heart tO]
[mOod][happy]
[chatting tO][james, anna, flowy]
[thinking abt][paint ball this friday]

hey peepz =) man i haven't blog for a couple of days now, just trying to enjoy the beginning of my holidays and i haven't been at home as much as i wanted to. People keep calling me out to hang out and just chilling in general and just catching up with friends since they are on holiday. First of all i would like to apologise to "sam" sorry for not making to your bday dinner. I had to be the rose for cherry for her bday =( sorry dude, i know you are my friend and i shouldn't dog you but, she asked me in like 2 months advance. I couldn't dog her because it is slack she put effort and time for her bday to go as she planed. Man i haven't seen you in ages bro, we should catch up! last time i saw you was on George steet you going back to work! =) anyway...i'll just summarise the days i've missed out on bloggin.

Thursday :
my first day of holiday, just stay up all night after my exams and then watch anime all night =) and didn't go to bed till about 7am and then slept all day on Thursday =) until late at night. Went over Graham's place and then got drunk lol =) [**official opening of my holiday** YAY!!]

Friday :
SAPPHIRE - after uni exam party at space =) it was good, i was helping one of the organiser out lol, i saw many people lining up lol but i didn't have to lol which was good. Michelle and Annie came but by the time they come to line up, the line was too long for them to get in for free. During that i was already in club working and helping out abit, i feel bad, i ask them to come and i couldn't get them in for free. Only if they come in earlier when i asked them to, but they were too buzy drinking lol. Plus i was a designated driver lol i didn't feel like drinking anyway...which was good =) Anyway, since they couldnt get in they like they were gonna go somewhere else, i felt bad so i told them that i will go with them...they waited for me outside i came down, so i didn't stay at the club for long...omg! so many many many HOT girls!! but anyway.. They don't interest me anymore...they just too much trouble. So i went out with them and then headed to *maloney* lol our usual bum place lol .. saw "michael" and "patrick" chill with them for abit, play some pool and i played pokie machine lol omg! i won $20 haha it is not much but ah well .. i know that would be the max i would win lol .. haha i know my limits =) anyway.. we went harries <<fink that how you spell it. Just after the cross lol .. i had "hot dog da wheel" lol i was still hunry so i had a pie on top of that lol .. but still hunry and the girls are like omg man!! how much food are you going to eat.. lol .. !! ah well .. i felt bad because they had to wait so we started to head hoMe! plus annie wanted to head home because SPECIAL someone is waiting for her lol i was abit tired as well .. plus i got a big day tomorrow lol

Saturday :
CHE DEBUT - at ashfield....Arrgh... comming home late last night i didn't get up till 3pm omg and her bday starts at 6 arrgh!! i am friggin late and i am not ready caz i need to go buy a tie too .. I am pretty sure i put my alarm like 12pm but i didn't hear it .. mum must of turn it off ..arrgh!! Oh well .. quick take a shower got ready with my suit and stuff and headed for ct to buy a tie.. omg! i was late .. arrgh .. it is alright.. philo time.. even though it say it starts at 6 it didn't even starts till 7 lol .. it was funny .. Anyway..overall it was good had fun =) but i didn't want to go after party because i really don't want to see someone...god dammit!! you know i tried to be nice to you but you act like as if it was nothing .. well let me tell you, FUCK YOu!! i don't give a shit no more.. Anyway...then then went ct with jr and sam caz sam's girl asked him to come and then when we got there she was like we going home! omg!! wtf .. made us come out there and then she is going home!! friggin hell.. i guess it wasn't my day..so we decided to go home.. when i got home .. i called up Graham to see what he was doing, he was at the new house.. i went there play with mixers for abit and then head home.. i had some alcohol =) wasn't too drunk .. haha .. oh well ..

Sunday :
slept all day today.. =) went over Graham's and then we decided to get drunk! haha .. omg.. we finished like couple of beers and then half a bottle of Johnny walker omg..it wasn't enought dammit!! oh well it was funny.. caz matt wouldn't drink with us because he is a FRIGGIN PANSY!! lol that is what i am going to start calling him from now on!! PANSY!!! HAHAHA so we wouldn't let him sleep lol .. we were flashing light and stuff and try to draw on his face while he is sleeping too bad he is a light sleeper..dammit wake up so easily oh well it was funny...!! though lol took his blanket and pillow haha he couldn't sleep! oh well he still wouldn't come drink with uS PANSY!!! well after like half hr we couldn't be fucked so we just calll it a night lol!! went home and started watching anime lol !! omg !! i lOVE THIS NEW ANIME!! CALLED BLEACH!! SO GOOD =)

Monday & Tuesday :
caught up with mel because she want to meet up =) we went to ct and at luch with her friend as well =) lol she was SUPPOSE TO go Gym but go lazy so all day we bum at graham's lol just talking and stuff.. omg .. but i kinda fall a sleep and matt out of no where just throw a dog [nipper] on me omg!! and then both graham full jump on me..! i was like wtf ... where did that pop out from lol! it was funny and then matt jump on more time until he knock a glass of water on the bed and full go me all wet arrgh!!!! dammit .. lol i couldn't care i just went back to sleep haha!! funny!!
on tuesday james came over on and taught me how to play some guitar and hehe yea it was fun and then just chilling and watching more anime... but we went Pang's house on Tuesday and then found out that we are going to paint BALL!! omg!! 60 PPLZ this FRIDAY and omg... i have to wake up at 6AM omg!! friggin so early. hehe oh well at least we going =) lol it would be fun
can't wait..
anyway.. that enough ..

"Let Go"

I know its past tense
Its been a minute since
We were a couple
And, walking and holding hands
Kisses and I love yous
Doing what lovers do
Baby
But baby that was then
Cause now we don't
Talk no more
You gotta a new man
And, it shouldn't bother me
But girl its driving me, crazy
And everybody says
Boy why don't you just leave it alone
But I don't think I can

[Chorus]
I sit up all night
Thinkin' bout ya
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think, don't think that I
That I can let go (Don't think I can let you know)

I'm holdin' on to hope
I know its a foolish thought
Think that someday she might come back
Wish on it all the time
Knowin' it never may happen
But see I'm not a fool
Cause no we don't
Talk no more
You gotta new man
But, I'm gonna keep it safe
I've got the patience
That some lack...
But everybody says
Boy why don't you just leave it alone
But I don't think I can

[Chorus]
I sit up all night
Thinkin' bout ya
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think, don't think that I
That I can let go (Don't think I can let you know)

[Interlude]
I don't think I can let you go
I can't let you go
No....
I don't think that I can let you go
Let go...
And everybody says...
And I don't think I can...

[Chorus (With Ad-Libs)]
I sit up all night
Thinkin' bout ya
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think, don't think that I
That I can let go (Don't think I can let you know)

peace
will

Posted at 06:08 pm by wabbit
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Jun 29, 2006

EXAMS ARE OVER, SO IS MY FEELINGS

[Currently listening 2][pretty ricky - never let you go]
[mood][happy]
[chatting to][jenny, loreto]
[thinking abt][how badly i did in my exam]

WOHOO!! finally all my exams are over! Even though i did baldy it doesn't matter now, it is all OVER!! wohoo!!HOLIDAY here i come!! Today has been pretty good =) lol even though i set my alarm 20time and then finally wake up! lol .. i slept at 5am the other night after hanging out with JAmes and Alan [ wohoo they taught me to play mahjong <<fink that's how you spell it ] anyway..i was semi-kicking their butt!! [well not really lol] but anyway.. i got the whole idea of the game.. i came back home at like 3am and then start studying till 5am.
Thank god Anita was doing the same subject as me she has help me alot during this semister i am so greatful to have and met a friend like her =) she is the best. Anyway.. i'll buy you lunch sometimes as i "promised" **thumbs up**
As i was saying, my alarm goes off at 9am caz my exam starts at 1.50pm i sorta reach out of my bed and set my alarm to 10am then when it went off at 10, i said 15more min and then when it went off 15min later i set it to 5min more and then so on.. finally waking up at 12.30 i've realised i really need to wake up now so i rush for uni. Can't be late to exam =( on the way there i meet my old friend "anna" [she used to help me out during primary]. She is still "cute" lol =) anyway.. we talked and we said we'll catch up during the holiday.
Arrgh on the way to Uni .. i was having a convo with her and at the same time i was skimming through my notes, i though i would get distracted but i didn't...everything seems to go into my head.. Running to uni was hard, all the stairs and shit.. arrgh!! when i got there, i've realised that i was in the 2nd group and my exams don't start till like 2:50 because i saw anita and geroge [ they like you in the same group as us ] woah i have such good friends at uni =) lol ..
Finally went in the exam .. skim through the question and i am pretty sure i pass! =) but i am so glad my exam are all done YAY **massive smile**
woho... on the way home, che called up asking to come over so that she can do the recording for the 'Debut' omg.. i totally forgot about that.. arrgh! so i quickly had to make up the speech and then went over her place so she can record it..[ well her sis record it] which was pretty good anyway.. Thank god michelle drove me .. lol i wasn't going to catch the train.. arrgh TOO FAR!! hehe thank michelle!! best sis in the world lol!! hehe well i think i am driving her on Sat too i think!! Which is good lol hehe .. umm .. so afterward me michelle pick up kitty and just went to cafe and had a big massive talk!! hehe we happy! we ate alot too.. hehe.. then just drove back home!! and just learning to play guitar now =) ...oh got a poem too .. which explain everything now..

i'll never show the pain
deep within my soul
because today is the day
i'm finally letting go
past few weeks of hell
changed a part of me
it taught me a valued lesson
of how cruel people can really be
choosing to move foward
never looking back, even if it kills me
life will get back on track
reflections from the past
knowledges became real clear
no longer will i live my life
within darkness or in fear
moving on in life without you is something i must do
you pushed me far enough and i almost came unglued
so keep in mind these words
"just remember where it ends"
i've let you go completely
even though you are my friend

Posted at 01:13 am by wabbit
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Jun 27, 2006

something...a friend sent to me from the net n i like to share with you all

2 BEAUTIFUL STORIES TO SHARE WITH EVERYONE There was once this guy who is very much in love with his girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company, his future didn't seem too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day,his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualize any future for the both of them, so they went their own ways there and then... Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all the! hard work and the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company .. You never fail until you stop trying. One rainy day, while this guy Was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents. With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same any more; he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He made it! What he saw next confused him, the couple was walking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his car and followed...and he saw his girl, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside her... Her parents saw him. He asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for! France at all. She was ill with cancer. She had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want to be his obstacle... therefore she had chosen to leave him. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again...he can take some of those back with him... Once you have loved, you will always love. For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever. The guy just wept...The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with her ever again.........hope you understand. Find time to realize that there is one person who means so much to You, for you might wake up one morning losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you. >>KINDNESS Pays! One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay His way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?" "You don't owe me anything," she replied "Mother has taught us never to accept payment for a kindness." He said... "Then I thank you from my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt; stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready! to give up and quit.Years later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors Were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was calledin for the consultation. When he heard The Name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case. After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally! , she looked, and something caught;her attention on the side as She read these words..... "Paid in full with one glass of milk." (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly. Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You,GOD, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands." >>NOW YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES. >>You can send this page on and spread a positive message or ignore >>it >>and pretend it never touched you. >>........ Whatever experience life may bring your way, find in it >>something to value. Take that value and make the most of it as you >>apply it in a positive, purposeful direction for In this life >>nothing lasts >>forever it only strengthens our character."We fail or succeed in >>our >>stewardship of life in proportion to how convinced we are that life >>belongs to God." >>Have a lovely day!

Posted at 04:01 am by wabbit
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....the scars left behind

[Currently listening 2][b5 - all i do]
[mood][empty]
[chatting to][my god sis]
[thinking abt][what to do]

hmm .. omg! i woke up at 4pm today.. arrgh! i am both mentally and physically drained. I was talking to Michelle till like 5am last night, we were just talking about stuff in general. I don't know, i don't seem to be able to focus anymore, my mind is all over the place. To tell you the truth, i miss her, i really do.. i've never felt like that before. she is nice, she is different. I suppose it wasn't meant to be. It is really hard to get my head straight these days, i don't know.. i am just lost i guess.. and i haven't been like this since last break up and it hurt it really does.

'All I do is think of you Day and Night (that's all I do) I can't get you out my mind'

oh man ... i really don't know what to do, i am really confused...[someone help me plz]

' I can't get you out, I don't want you out, I just want you in my life...'

Dammit .. if i have to do something to prove of what you see me is a false impression then i will, anything.. Arrgh.. i don't even know why i bother with girls anymore. I've been hurt so many time and knowing that i still go ahead with it. Just dig my self a big hole again .. so that i won't be able to get out.
hmm .. if she is happy being this way, i guess i will just have to leave it, her hapiness is more important than mine. I suppose if she is happy then i should be too. OH well ..

Anyway..waking up at 4pm really sux.. caz you feel like shit.. i don't even know whether it was the day or night caz i slept when it was abit dark and when i woke up it was dark also.. i really don't know if i want to do something or even if i feel like doing anything at all.. just want to lie in my and sleep forever and never wake up. Maybe that is why i sleep so long.. it beacuse i didn't want to face the reality, i just wanted to stay in my dream, i didn't have to think or worry. There is no worries in the world when you sleep. that is why sometimes pplz choose to sleep forver because they left all the worries behind. oh man i should go get my ears check and my hip as well...it has been fucked i think i am going deaf lol!! oh well .. i don't feel the need that i should.. who gives a shit anymore. anyway..i am gonna jet but i guess i'll just leave with the two poems.

My heart torn and tattered
its pieces, they lie scattered
everything that mattered
is now only a blur
it has been thorns in my side
as i remove them i cried
thorn given by those who've lied
and now i find the cure
my wounds that, that till heal
but my heat i can not seal
because it's too deeply that i feel
and plunge into what's unsure
yet another defeat
my heart is only meat
which the hungry eats
such pain i endure
it is love i desire
love that will not tire
a girl to admire
where can i find her?

=======================

All the scars i can't hide
never thought i'd feel this way
wish i could make this pain go away
every morning i wish i were dead
better off to stay in bed
feel like the walls are closing in
when i look around there is no escape
got the feeling that i'm all alone
that nobody will ever care for me
i'm so jaded, i am about to break
i'll go to sleep and never wake
i don't want to live my life
but it seems i am scared of death
i'll close my eyes
n pull the trigger
no more worries, i'll be gone
all these scars i can't hide
all these scars that hide inside
all these scars that i can't change
all these scars that made me rearrange

peace
willz

Posted at 02:54 am by wabbit
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Jun 26, 2006

i M in such a mess...

[Currently listening 2][deestylistics - be by my side]
[mood][sick]
[chatting to][no one - don't feel like talking]
[thinking abt][...life]

Arrgh .. i am so much in a mess.. never been like this before. IT sux!! it really does. Everything that has been happening within these past few day..i've dig like this big massive hole, and now i am struggling to get out of it. What every i am doing, it doesn't seem to be going right. oh well.. i know i will get out of it eventually!
Last night was good, it was JR's bday we were constantly drinking for the whole entire night and well it keep my mind off things for abit =). Seriously, i really didn't want to go, not beacuse i hate him [he is like one of my closest friend], it is more because i know if i go i was going to see Rachel [my ex]. I knew she was going to be there, i really didn't want to see her...it just hurt too much seeing her. BUT i had to go, beacuse he didn't dog me on his bday, and i couldn't dog him on his. **bro 4 life** like we used to say "bro b4 hoes". i can't just dog him because i have my personal problems with someone else. This is just not us, because i know he wouldn't dog me either. so while i was there i did my best at ignoring her just trying to pretend that she is not there. Didn't even talk to her, i was hoping she didnt' talk to me either =) make things easier for both of us. Anyway.. we went to eat at jap/korean resturant [ opposite to sharkies] IT was ok... but it was a place where you have to cook yourself kinda fing...omg!! man i aint paying for friggin cooking! arrgh!! haha but it was cool. Had so much fun...Anyway..Rachel drop by afterward, i really couldn't care anymore, i can't let my friend's bday or even my night out with my friends get ruined because of one chick. **This is not happeing tonight and i won't let it happen...** She ignored me and i ignored her everything was sweet =) then out of no where she offered me a sakiiiiii i took it from her but i didn't even look at her...and suddenly she like **oh now you don't even want to look at me, fine be like that** .. in my head i was like wtf, how can you even say that, who are you to even say it to me, i was the one who gave my heart to you and you are the one who fuckin didn't treat it right and break it pieces...and it is very hard for me to mend it...i was the person who said i love you first.. n you couldn't even say it... so don't fucken say this to me. but i really didn't say .. i didn't want to start up anything.. i just left it and didn't say anything..i had enought...anyway...after that my god sis and mel drop by...made my night a bit better, but they both left early. i was pretty much left alone oh well .. Over the night was pretty good.. went K..and sung our lungs out! haha.. funny! most of his friends dog him which sux..but over the night was good.. he go drunk and everytime we see him drinkin anything else other than alcohol we told him off! it is his bday he is getting drunk =) he was walking fine...didn't puke or anything..lol dammit not drunk enought..and lol we all split after everyone got tired..lol oh well .. it good. got home at 6am lol waitin 45min for a friggin first train back home grrr...

peace
willz

Posted at 02:56 am by wabbit
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Jun 24, 2006

finally letting go

[Currently listening 2][cassie - me and you]
[mood][tired n sleepy]
[chatting to][no one - don't feel like talking]
[thinking abt][letting go ]

oh man .. so tired, sleepy and hungry! OMG i had my exams today.. ! not just one but 2 of them .. on a friggin saturday =( my first one was alright, i think i would get a pass but fark "physic" i completely failed grr.. not so good, and that was the subject that i studied most for =( .. what a waste of energy, time and effort. why does physic hae to be so friggin complicated? [or maybe i am just dumb]
I was at uni by 8:30 this morning and didn't finish till 4:30, what a friggin long hours. We weren't even allowed to wonder off or go buy lunch! omg! we were stuck in the room. I was so friggin hunrgy =( but ah well shit happens .. ><" you just have to accept it.
Anyway....man couldn't concentrate today =( Things that roxy said to me just keep running through my head. " just forget about it" man it is easy to say than doing it. but i guess i have to. I guess i just have to forget about the fact that i have ever meet you, forget about all the convo that we had .. just forget about everything in general. It is about time i close this chapter of my life. Just place it where all the other are [ others that i don't want to go back].i don't know why small things turn into big and always involve me getting no where. It was fun getting to know her, but now i know that this is where it ends. I will never have those convo that we had so i might as well just forget about the whole things. Let just say you never met and i never met you. but just want to say i am sorry for the wrong impression that i gave you, i never intented to, i am sorry if i have hurt you in anyway, i am saying sorry, not for you to forgive me, i am just saying because i though i needed to. [it is up to you to whether you care about the whole thing or not that is non of my concern]. Anyway..just want to say have fun in what ever you maybe doing and good luck with everything and hope everything in your life work out for you.

peace
willz

Posted at 06:26 pm by wabbit
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