[Currently listening 2][Fort minor - where'd you go]
[mood][feeling abit .. sad]
[chatting to][no one - not online]
[thinking abt][umm.. ]

hmm... life...what can i say about it atm? nothing much happening these days, just that exams are comming up soon and really need to study. Right now i am at one of the commerce lab studying. i can't believe it open 24/7 which is good for "crammers" like me. But it is full high tech security and shit, you got to be commerce student inorder for you to enter the lab. but i have my ways of getting in there lol =)
[what i do is start waving like a maniac until somone notice me and i do like on of those def people sign language asking them to get me in =) ] and it works haha ... i think i am good at drawing attention lol haha jk .. not really.. i did that one time and this one girl just keep staring at me like a retard =S i am like hello... what the heck are you doing.. don't just sit and stare at me like,  i am crazy monkey on the loose. LoL ahah and then she finally understand what i was trying to say. OMG finally!! lol .. thank god =)
man i though people who go to uni should be pretty smart ( i am an exception) but i thought wrong =)
Right now i really know that i should be studying but i lost that vibe. but guess what...? i made a new friend today, omg! and guess what her name was... "Rachel" omg when she said it my jaw just drop. I don't think that name will be hard to remember. We had like one of those fast conversation where you try to know each other as fast as possible =) i found out that she is
 - 3rd year at uni doing accounting
 - she is currently cramming for her exam tomorrow (she is hoping to get distinction)    omg she does have a hight expectitation for a crammer lol. i must say she is pretty    smart and make me feel so stupid! (well maybe because i am).
 - umm she lives in Rosbery
 - She is into Trance (she was asking whether i went to "transmisson" or not)
 - She also like rnb but not as much as trance, she only go clubbing because of her    friends.
 - she used to go subbies as well .. but yea ..just taking a break .. lol people do need to take a break when you start going subbies. LOL

Hmm.. i think that is all .. doesn't look as much geez.. give me a break, i had to fit all that convo into friggin 5min. Plus she did start off the convo .. i was just happily taking a study break outside.. and she happens to come out too .. (well she was walking back from somewhere) **think**
I must say, she is pretty nice, good personality =) for me, first impression are always important. Sometimes my frist impression could be really really really wrong too. ah well..
Anyway, i just been thinking about things that my god sis (michelle) said to me about girls. "will you too nice, you let them walk over you because you nice". I don't know whether it is true or not but, you know what she said just makes me think alot. I think i am generally nice to people, but yea they do end up walking all over me. Man i think i have to stop being too nice, what she said completely fits with what is going on with my life at the moment.  I tried to be nice, considerate, but sometimes girls don't see that, they always pick out the mistake that you do and use it against you, the good things that you do for them don't matter to them ...they just want to pick out the mistake that you do. Seriouly take for exam, you been in a long relationship and you just out of no where get flowers for you gf, when you get home, she doesn't appreciate the fact that you've been thinking about her and wanted to make her feel special...but first thing she would say would be " hmm this is odd, you've never bought me flowers, is there something going on"... Man that got to hurt..you can't express how you feel about someone and let things to go smoothly.
why do girls always make small little thing into something big? Come on,just because the guy is trying to appreciate what he "has" and feel being happy with the person he is with, you girls have to just bust his ballz.. what is the go with that? LET ME TELL YOU THAT THOSE ARE THE TYPE OF GIRLS THAT TURNS US GUYS INTO BEING PLAYERS!! or CHEAT ON THEM. you get me? then you guys just turn around and say it is our fault, but when you rethink it, what did you say to them when they try to impress you, or try to make you happy? you didn't even appreciate the fact that he is doing just for you...all you can think about is what he has done wrong.
I am the type of guy that wouldn't or going to explain myself to you when i know i haven't done anything wrong. If i did something wrong, then i will apologise to you but, when i haven't .. i am not going to. I tried my best, i gave my best, but my best isn't good enough, what i do isn't good enough. GEEZ.. i am only human, you know i can't be perfect like you want me to be. Human do make mistake in life, sometimes if you think that someone is wroth it . you should give them a chance caz..it is hard getting a 2nd chance in life =). Anyway.. i am blabbering on too much

.. got to get home and sleep

peace
willz

[Currently listening 2][nuffin]
[mood][pissed oFFF]
[chatting to][sam, jr , michelle]
[thinking abt][what anna had said]

Arrgh ... FUCKIN PISSED OFF!!!
LET ME TELL ALL THE FUCKING PEOPLE OUT THERE! WHO THINK I AM A FUCKING PLAYAH! LET ME SAY THAT YOU DON'T FUCKIN KNOW ME!  It is fucking good that you don't know me .. caz i really don't fucking want to know you either..only my true friends know who i really am, they are the only one who know my life and what i have gone through! They are the only one i Treasure the most! My life is fucked as it and i don't need anyone of you to be accusing me of something that i am not! I AINT NO FUCKING PLAYAH .. i never will be. THERE IS A BIG FUCK DIFFERENCE!! PLAYAH DON'T GET HURT but i FUCKING DO! i've been played.. and i've been cheated on.. but that doesn't make me want to become one! YOu don't friggin look outside the box.. all of you just jump to a conclusion. IF you think i am a playah ask me and i will GLADLY say that i am not.. believing me is up to you! I FUCKEN HATE PLAYAH (even though some of my friends are but that doesn't mean i am not going to be friends with them) what they do about their life is only for them to decide..it will not make me change the way i see about them. AS LONG AS I AM NOT PLAYING AROUND!
IF I AM a FUCKING PLAYAH then i wouldn't be hurt in my past relationship! it wouldn't taken me friggin 3 years to get over a girl... so don't fucking assume thing or point finger ...all i can say is if you don't know me don't JUGE me! I am ME and you are YOU! i don't point and say you BAD CUNT i am not going to be friend with you! or yoU are FAT and i am not going to be friends with you! Being called a playah is one thing i hate the most..you can call me any name.. BASTARD, PRICK, DICKHEAD i don't give a shit.. but being called a PLAYAH fucking shits me..i fucken respected all my ex-girlfriends (they are the one who didn't, so you can go figure whether I AM playah or not!! or FUCKING ASK MY FRIENDS FRIST! BEFORE POINTING FINGERS!!
YOU DON'T EVEN have the GUTS to ask me face to face! so don't say shit behind my back....BTW...i do paper ROSES all the fucking time when i am bored! just to keep myself from smoking sometimes! just because i gave you one doesn't mean that i am tyring to fucking impress you! i give it away caz i have too many at home to keep! i can't be arsed i can do it agian anytime i want... it doesn't mean that i am trying to pick you up with it..!!you don't friggin like me because i made you something ...! you should like me because of who i am! (that is if you can be bothered to find out yourself)

----------------------------------

Anyway....pplz...i had an awsome time...this weekend except TODAY!!! and umm sat night i think .. fuck.. friday night didnt' sleep till 2.. that include not sleeping from the night before as well.. because i went uni on Thursday to study didn't come back home till friday =). then sat i need some rest so i went out with mel =) went to watch fAST and FUrious 3 =) fucking awsome movie... i wasn't there for story line bull shit.. i was only there for the cars..**drool** if i had to choose between  the cars and hot chick.. i would choose the car anyday!!! HOT HOT HOT!! 350z, s15 omg.. R33 grrr.. now it make me feel like i want my car!! haah well it is still in production!! i've already though about my number plate though =) all i need is to do now is save up!! haha well got to find a job first haha!!
afta movies i had to meet up Loreto caz he invited me to a house part at miranda!! fuck cunt!! left me waiting at the fucking station for a long fucking time!! CUNT!! i will never going out drinking with you again! fuck man ! you fucking worse when you are drunk ..!! you don't fucking know what going on! man i was suppose to go home at fucking 2 at least and what i got fucking home at 5am!! thank god michelle was still awake and she pick me up from the place because we had no way of getting back home!! THAT caz the cunt! told me we are getting a lift back home, which we never did!!
Sunday night ... even better... went to the GAB!! watch the soccer game AUS vs BRAZIL! Great match!! even though we lost it was still a good game!! THE FUCKING REF should be shot!! what a cunt ... i reckon someone must of game him some money for him to go against us! but at least we give our best !! CUNT!! anyway.. didn't come back home till about 6..and crash over at Graham's place and had about 4 hrs sleep before waking up again to go out with mel to go shopping!! arrgh! hehe it was fun .. she got some cute jumper and a singlet ...=) nice nice!! *thumb up*
everything was cool until ....later at night..FUCK!!
anyway..gonna jet

peace
willz

[Currently listening 2][Ne yo - let go]
[mood][tired n sleepy]
[chatting to][no one]
[thinking abt][going to bed]

Howdy! DAMMIT ><" i am so friggin tired..and sleepy! i have no sleep for 36hours...however i did took a nap for like an hr or 2 because my body couldn't handle it anymore! =( i just passed out in michelle's car while i was waiting for her. omg! me and michelle didn't even go to sleep at all .. i feel sorry for michelle though, because she has her exam today at 1:45.
Michelle and I went to uni on Thursday night and by the time we got there, it was already 8:30 (**i think**) not quiet sure, but it was pretty late. OMG i can't believe her uni opens for 24hrs ( well some classes rooms). All we needed was a place to study. Her library opens till about 12, and we had to move to another area to study. DAMMIT but it was alright...abit of a walking though (**complains**) anyway...so we got there right...and we study till about 3:30am and we had to leave because Today there was suppose to be some "sales" that mel and her want to go. OMg i just tag along! lol free food plus i had to carry all her stuff!! .. omg so we got to the place at like friggin 4:14am and we had to line up! i ask the Mel what time the place opens she said like around 10am! i am like oMG friggin god.. you guys go through all this shit for clothes (**stuby sales**<<<fink that how you spell it)...man we waited there till like 10am because they said normally the line gets really really long! plus MIchelle couldnt' go to sleep because her exam was on the same day so she end up going factory sales and then straight to her exam. !! omg i had to drive for her so that she could have time to study. Plus she look abit tired. (** i really don't trust her**) come on man .. that girl hasn't had sleep over like whole entire night.!I was doing ok because i am used to it.. lol
This is what happens when you have uni exams!! lol cram time!GRRR!!! anyway.. so they stayed at the factory till like 12m and then decided to go eat!! damn i am so hunry! You have no idea how much shit i had to carry!! you can barely see my head!! haha they took a photo .. though i think .. hoping i can find it on the net! i wanted that photo..it is very funny!! ^-^
oh man .. i did waited for her until michelle finishes her exam..which was around about 5pm omg and then i drove her home.. !! i ddin't want her to drive me home like she used to .. so i just decided to walk home from her house after i park her car.!! oh man .. feel so shit.. couldnt' eat and stuff! grrr.. lol ah well .. at least i did heaps of studying done! =)...find my sis will be sleeping quietly in her bed right now.. proberely wouldn't be awake next day =P
oh man i seriously need to head to bed.. so L8trz..pplz

peace
willz

[Currently listening 2][nuffin]
[mood][sleepy]
[chatting to][no one]
[thinking abt][........]

yoYO pplz...I still haven't gone home yet. Still at one of the UNSW lab! studying!!! (not really) well i was doing work for my god sis for a while ..!! (dammit! she is such a bum!!). **aww u know u luv me *mwahs*( <<that was from michelle). Damn she rings me up today and said " i've just realise that i have an exam this friday" omg!! who would forget about their exam!! grr... too much thinking about guys i reckon that she couldn't even remember anything..!! thank god it wasn't my bday that she forget other wise i would be fumming!! GRR!! ...so here i am doing her essay for one of her subjects which was due couple of days ago while she is studying for an exam for another subject..!! grr.. dAMMIT! and the essay is on "economic" grr.. there is a reason why is chose science .. so that i wouldn't have to do essays! and what i am doing now.. is doing the god damn essay!! well not really.. !!! i mean i was doing it.. but now i am typing all this shit!! =P haha

Today had been alright, i suppose.. mel gave me a wake up call that warms my heart (that is what she said " Yo wake up ! or else i'll come down there and smack ya ass!!! hahaha!! man she can never say something that is nice..!! like aww if you wake up i'll give you a kiss or something like that.. along that line anyway.. ) she is more of the type that said yo if you don't wake up i'll kick you between the nuts!! omg!! haha .. !! well that is her normal wake up call for me haha! lol haha if she see what i just wrote.. i think i am going to get killed haha (**aww you know you luv me mel) well ...so i end up waking up at 8am then went back to sleep while i waited for her to come over. when she got here which was around about 10am i got ready and we went to hust lib to study lol! man i am so sleepy! haha well it is good for me though..that way i can get off my lazy ass and study for the frist time. As i was saying.. we got  to the lib around about 11 and from then on we studied till 7pm with the occasional break and teasing and laughting part lol!!

It is nice to be hanging around her or studying! well at least i learn something because i was actually studying.. well when we study we definately studies! haha omg.. you know it was a miricle that she calls for a food break.. normally i would be the one to say let go eat something..damn! she must be pretty hungry! We walked around hustville for a bit until we found some "sushi train" we decided to eat there =) nice.. yummy! hmm.. except they didn't have that much variety! damit shit place but the food was nice well it was acceptable. 

then we went back to lib to study more.. untill it was time to go home! yay home time..well i need to go home anyway.. because i was getting to that stage where you can no longer study anymore.. and anything that you study didnt go into your head. OH man so much spelling mistakee arrgh can't be arsed fixing it.. lol i am pretty tired.. it is 3:20am here and still at uni.. lol i need to go home and take a rest .. i reckon.. i deserve a long break.. but then agian .. i found some cute girls in this class ...woah..she dress abit like a tom boy! but i like her hat..sexy =) *drool* but she seem like one of those smarty pants type! omg..with her laptop and everything..haha there are some other chick too.. mostly pplz are taking a nap! i talk to one of the guy here and i asked what time he is going home. he said 4 omg! that is a long long time. well not really.. half an hr to go..i think i want to head home..i've got to wake up early tomorrow to go uni and meet up with another friend to study.. i think i am only going to be getting few hr of sleep today..! anyway..got to jet..

peace
willz

[Currently listening 2][b5 - all i do]
[mood][shit]
[chatting to][no one]
[thinking abt][exams...n stuff n her]

hmm...i just feel like i don't need to blog these days but i just do it for the hell of it...i feel as if everything i want to say or do no longer can fit in the blog..it is abit too much.. too much for me to even handle myself. but i suppose i will eventually get over it.
Today was good, in a way i got to talk to rOxy n umm alan ( my high school mate) it was pretty good.. he wanted me to come back training agian.. ( sorry dude.. i'll have to see man it looks like i keep dogging you but there so many things happening that i just wanted to stop most of the things i was doing before). DAMMIT.. i needed to get my life on track again..well i generally said that last yr and i though i did... but i guess it wasn't enough .. it all fuck up again! fuck fuck fuck!! my life isn't improving much! BUT i have to.. i know i have to .. i can't keep going like this. This is time for me to let everything go...let go of everything that i hold close to...i've got to CHANGE! i need a CHANGE! and i must do it.. other wise.. my life is going down hill .. for sure.. AND yOU! GET out of my head.. i will no longer be like this.. no way in hell .. better get out quick before i dig myself a big whole again like last time. i Mayb crazy at time.. but not that crazy!
Alan and I was generally talking about how i have changed over the past years that we've been friend.. we are still good mate (we still talk but not as much). Generally we both buzy with our own lil things. But today i am glad i got the chnace to talk to him. he warned me not to do stupid shit!! like FUCKING STABBING THAT FRRGIN cunt that tries to starts me at the KOG pub! fuck!! i really do... but he told me to thinnk! GRRR my BLOOD is boiling! ....he told me not to let my emotions rule over me.. this is not me.. ( i know it is not me) but sometimes i can't help it...Grr.. god i don't know what i am turning into.. i don't normally hold grudge...i tend to let things go....right now i am confused..and lost.. i got to find out what i want to with life.. that is the most important thing right now. AND THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO.. (I promise)
everything that i though it matters to me NO longer does.. my family is still together, i got my friends.. that is all i need nothing more..

peace
willz

Wohoo....!! Australia won 3-1 against Japan in the world cup! Fuck it was a good match to watch =] ...grr I am suppose to be studying but ..haha it was worth my time off to wach the match! lol just sitting in front of a nice heater and sitting on a nice comfortable chair..what more do i want =]
Anyway, today was good Long weekend for some old lady's birthday!, i am not complaining it is great everyone gets a day off! Only bad thing is that majority of shops are closed!! grr... hmm...but it is alright slept in for abit and had to wake up abit early than usual to go "busby" omg!! man that place is like in middle of no where!! frggin hell, it doesn't even help when you had to use the public transport. omg..espically when you don't have a friggin conession card. grr..i wasted almost $14-15 on travelling expense. Should of told one of my friends to drive me there and pay them for the petrol. shit man! first catching the train all the way to livo and then catch T80 to go to busby. Riding the train was all cool...everything seem to go as plan, but the problem was catching the bus. I really didn't know where i was going because i've never been to that place. i don't think i will ever go to that place agian..! man it has nothing just friggin deserted place. Anyway, Anita told me to get off afta a hill. so i was like well that shouldn't be hard..but i found out there ...there was 2 friggin hillz that i went through and when i ask one of the passenger ..she was like the stop was back there somewhere...so i was like "shit.." got off quickly and called Anita. when i called her Anita was like omg! you got off to early..!! grr go so pissed off.! man i though some people would know their area.. but i guess they don't Friggin long walk plus on top of that ..must go through hillz as welll..arrgh leg too tired...i left hoe about 2..didnt come back home till 5.30-6.00ish!!
just bummed at Graham's lol .. it is alright i suppose =] watch the soccer game there so comfy!

peace
willz

[Currently listening 2][mario winans - stay with me]
[mood][empty]
[chatting to][michelle n jenny]
[thinking abt][...anna]

I know life isn't fair sometimes.. grr...but that just life... you just have to consider the fact that there are still, some people out there who are in worse situation than you are. You just have to be more positive about it i suppose. i suppose you just have to take in the good with the bad. I know that my life will be better soon... well i am hoping it will be considering how much shit i've been going thought.. if it doesnt it doesn't... but eventually it will ..
Today...she has been in my head all day. Doesn't matter where i am or what i am doing. With each passing day i miss her, i really do. BUt she proberely don't believe me because like she said "she doesn't believe anyone". I know that the long i leave it.. the further away i am going to be from her.
I admit she is one "perfect" girl (even though she doesn't admit it herself, but no one does). Maybe sometimes i wonder if i deserve her or not. she is everything that a guy could ask for in a girl. She is smart, gorgeous, caring...she is someone you can sit down and talk to or ask for advice or just talk in general. She will make you comfortable, make you feel like you are at home. When you talk to her, she would have a sense of concern for you and she let you know that she care about you. what ever i have said i meant it ...because she is just special and UNIQUE! if she is not speical to anyone else.. she is special to ME! (Girl, what can i do to make you believe what ever i've said is all true? if i have to prove then tell me so.. i will do it)
All i want is just one date..!one date.. just to show you how special you are.. I PROMISE i won't make it a day, where there will be full of regrets.i know you've gone though alot in the past but i promise i won't hurt you... i rather hurt myself than to hurt you!...just.....
oh man.. today been a bludging day for me.. didn't do much.. just meet mel and my god sis for cafe .. they both had exam and we just relax to release some stress.. they were full talking about how badly they did.. omg! i am scared now.. grr if it was me and when i come out of the exam.. i proberely be lost for words..lol because i did so bad in it.  THey they went shopping i just tag along.. we went myers and omg.. they made me try on this jacket!! GRRR ... i am poor you know me! i don't like trying things on when i don't have any money because when i do try them on i most likely to buy it !! .. so they made me try on this leather jacket! which worth $370...from $600..it was on sales..omg! i love it love it love it..!! so want to get it .. but that price range is out of my league just for one friggin jacket. arrgh!! maybe when i am rich! =P damn ..that jacket looks so good.. but i think i would look better with the blue one caz the back one makes me look like a gangsta =( oh well .. Then michelle realised that we need to check for parking because she was going to get booked!!grr i had to friggin run!! all the way...far that was the longest run i ever did in a whle LOL! it was good .. make me feel abit better lol .. so i moved the car but there was no parking so i went around the block waiting for them to come.. dammit! they took their time ... and when my god sis got in the car..she found a parking straight away omg! how unlucky am I!!!.. we just sit an bum in the car for like hrs until it was time to go.. kinda feel slack caz we were hogging the parking when we are sitting in the car! lol oh well .. BLAME IT ON THE GIRLS! caz they can't seem to decide wat to do.! lol oh well and we drove  back  mel  and on the way...there was a big massive accident on M5 omg.. so packed out.. we were moving inch  by inch .. that is pretty bad ...but i heard no 1 die..so that is a good thing =) long weekend started and there is already an accident! dammit pplz!! SLOW DOWN!! fark... i know i do stupid shit sometimes but ON a DAY like this i do then to slow down!! GRRR...!

peace
will

[Currently listening 2][3 doors down - here without you]
[mood][confused]
[chatting to][joanne, jenny, anita]
[thinking abt][studying 4 exam]

Exams are you comming soon...this week is like my last week of uni and then next week is my STVAC!! omg!! i hope i study during next week...i have to study! Dammit >.<' i hate uni exam time..it is feels like the whole world is passing by you and you can't even afford time to get in for the ride.. grr!! all the fun...all the social life..all the ....stuff you just keep missing out on it..Today i though about Mel that is because she has her exam today and i was wondering how she went! She has another one tomorrow as well..Mel where ever you are and what ever you may be doing GOOD LUCK FOR EXAM TOMORROW!! we'll catch up afta maybe!  lol ...
Today was good.. woke up aboit early than usual =) and stay home abit and practice playing guitar! (still not good but improving) my fingers hurts from playing too much last night .. ><" grrr!! Man.....things that i want to do keep piling up on me and i know i can't afford time on them because i got to make time to study! espically when i am behind so i need to catch up! grr .. this is bad.. but afta exam.. i will have time to design some stuff for my blog! hehe learning to use photshop/illustrator! as well as CSS..! which should be fun! and also learing to play Guitar proberely! oh well .. It seem like ive got not much time atm..! but i still have time for BLogiN! lol hehe this is what i called a relaxing time where i have time for myself and to say what i want to say...=P
Today i meet up with Michelle! this is like the first time i've seen her in ages, She has been buzy! with umm .. nvm! haha jk nah nah i am sure she is buzy studying! she has her exam tomorrow as well .. WEll gooD luck SIS!! i know you will need it .. haha anyway...went to her uni today..! so that she can catch up on her work and then i help her abit.. well it help me study too because we are like doing da same subject even tough she go to a different uni! BUt she has to learn more stuff than i do =P haha SUCKy!!! lol =P i must say i got alot of work done..! something was wrong today...i couldn't talk to anyone..i just don't feel like talking to anyone.. it look as if i was snobbing people... just that i don't feel like talking .. Even with my sis, i couldn't talk with her..usually we would have DnM!! mainly i listen acutally it is 50/50 i think ....but today...i can hardly say a thing...She knows me well enought to know that there was something wrong with me today...but i couldn't explain it...
Today...i actually miss talking to anna...i do get to talk to her sometimes but since she has been buzy with her studies as well .. i feel as if we barely know each other anymore... she sorta got really buzy at the stage where i really really want to get to know her more.. and now we hardly talk .. I am not blaming her or anything...it is quiet understandable =) i think studies is important for her the most ...so i know i have to stop where i am now and just wait!! sometimes i do have the urge to say hello when she is online .. but at the same time i know i shouldn't ! because i will be disturbing her... so i just sit and wait something hoping that she will say hi first, that way i know that she is free for abit to talk to me...ah well don't matter.. Today i got to talk to her... but i don't know..the conversation don't seem normal maybe it just me? .. or maybe i am just thinking too much !! who knows.. i guess i just have to wait and see ..............................*hmm* still waiting...

peace
will

omg!! i've been studying 2days in a row now and for those who knows me it is like a miricle thing lol...i think i might acutally get abit more than pass this time =) i see that my confidence is rising abit more now =) which really is a good thing. Today, mel came over AGAIN to wake me up so we can go study..her exams are like comming Thursday and mine is not until next next week. IT was difficult for me to wake up today considering how i got abit tipsy last night and didn't come home till like 3am and didn't end up going to bed till like 5am. LOl JUST blame it all on Graham!! lol he was the one who ask me to come down the pub for a "lil bit" haha nah nah .. there is no one else to blame but me! OH well .. i was so struggling to get up!! even mel had to drag me out of the bed.. it was funny though .. and i had like a cold shower to wake myself up! omg!! friggin cold!! arrgh...hehe but eventually i felt fresh .. we head to hurst lib again!! got there around about 1...i think and we sat down and started studying!! Everything was going well until stupid school kid came!! which was around 3pm i think! omg!! they were friggin ANNOYING AND LOUD!! god dammit!! i told them to SHUT THE FUCK UP! and they couldn't even listen to me.. well i really didn't say it that was... mel was laughting at me because i didn't say it loud enough and i was being so polite about it..!! lol she is like is that how you tell off people! LOL lol ..she was right it wasn't going to work.. so i just put on my head phone and listened to my MP3s...it was good for a while....when Suddenly my luck run out!! omg...my stupid battery has died!! ARRGH!!! dammit..should of bought a spare one along with me this is so gay!! omG! i had to PuT up with Their shit all through out the arvo!! man!! GRRR!! Man i don't really mind people talking in the lib.. i do it too .. but you know i do have a consideration for other people...when i talk i do it quietly so as well.. !! my god.. what made it worse was the fact that some chick walk next to our table where another guy was sitting and make a big scence...omg!! (in my head i am like shut the fuck up!! this i lib and some people are trying to study! if you here to socialise and not to study do it somewhere else ..geez!!! pplz these days. ) even if you are going to talk .. at least do quietly!! and not have a conversation that the whole world can hear!! god dammit!! oh well..
Afta all the disturbance i am glad that i still got most of the work done..!! let just hope that i will be able to remember it for the exam lol..!! hehe..mel and i left the lib around about 6.30pm i think...i so wanted to gowatch a movie i was so tempted but i didn't .. i know i have to go home to study. Mel droped me off at Graham's place stayed there for abit..and suddenly i realised that james is comming over because he was going to lend me his guitar =) yay!! something to do during the holiday! just practice and practice, these days i had the urge to play guitar i don't know..it sounds so good.. but when i play it.. sounds like shit lol . .. oh well !! just need to practice i guess =P he was teaching me a song before he goes home... but i am gladhe came over.. it was raining and it was those mood to play Guitar and also i had the lift home which was a bonous!! because i didn't want to get his guitar wet, even tough there was a casing! BUT i like to take care of things when pplz lend me stuff this is just me! and if i a wreck it .. i usually buy them a new one!...oh well .. finally got home n played lil bit of what i learnt today and now about to head to bed..

peace
will

hmm...i know i am suppose to wake up early today but i didn't end up doing so, mel was comming over so that we can go library to study. Well she pop by my house around 12ish i think, and trying to wake me up because i fall asleep again after i opened the door for her LOL!! She is like what the fuck are you still doing .. we need to go study man hurry up and get change...Grrr and to wake myself up i tried doing hand stand push up!! omg!! i did 10!! wow...i can barely even do 1 but it has gone up lol !! my next target will be 15 and so on and so on ..that was like enough exercise for the day!
We drove to Hurstville library and it was raining..(omg, good time to be in bed sleeping) but since mel came all the way down here from where she live i had to make the effort of studying with her even though we don't even go same uni or doing the same subject. I suppose she just needed some company =). IT is good to be studying with her because i get my work done and at the same time we have a lil break where we have a "small" convo and then back to studying...it wasn't like full on studying which was good..had a lot of fun =) and i never did 6 friggin hrs of studying in my entire life in one day. Got lots and lots of work done =) and i am also getting a positive outlook on my comming exam...this time i might actually pass or maybe abit more than pass lol!!
    Anyway...time goes by so quick when you are studying and before we know it, It was 6 and we were pretty hunry so we went to eat at Sigon!! some viet resturant..omg we ordered so much!! special fried rice, 2serving of boiled rice, another fried rice with pork chop and pork cake, and lastly fried rice noodle with chicken or something like that..LOL then again i ate most of it.. =) she was like i am too full to even eat.. lol !! i am like what the.. you haven't even eat that much! grrr....you should pig out like me..i just hate it when somone has to wait for me to finish eating .. and omg leaving all the food to waste.. no way!! i rather have somone eating with me than, having them waiting for me to finish =P ..by the end of the night i was pretty full lol =) yay! i think i am back to my normal eating plan. We talk alot and had plenty of laught, which was really nice =). i quiet enjoy hanging around mel she is just an awsome girl to hang around with. Later that night i got home pretty early, but when i got home.. i could no longer study, just because i have so much things going to my head...i don't know why .. but all i have been thinking about is my failed "realationships" sometimes i think that there might be something wrong with me when it come to handling a girlfriend.
Seriously when it come to think of it .. non of my relationship has as long as i wanted to maybe i they not taking it too seriously .. i don't know .. but for me when i am going to enter a relationship i give it my best (full 100% or maybe more, that is why i sometimes dig myself a very deep hole that i can't get out..but eventually i made it though). I admit i had some tough time, and few bad relationships in the past but that doesn't mean that i am going to treat you like shit. I don't think i have treated anyone like shit (even if i am treating you like shit and i am not realising it i want you to tell me so that way i know, but that doesn't mean that i was meant to treat you like that) Being with you or even going out with you, all i wanted is being able to talk to you or you being able to talk to me, think about it ..how am i suppose to get to know you better if we aren't talking...I am pretty sure that it will also keep us distant from each other. I rather have her full than just having a tiny bits of her =(...sometimesi want you to be able to tell me what you wanted, or what you want from this relationship or tell me how you feel about me.. at least say something so that i know you are still there for me. If you don't want to show that you cared for me in front of your friends at least show it when we are alone. Let me know what you want! I want to be able to walk the road with you being next to me! i really do !! This is what i want from you! If you can do that i will make sure that you will not have any regrets being with me....It is not that hard..i am not asking you to change...these are the things that are essential in any relationship( i am sure most of you agree)...This ar the type of things that any of my ex can't give me. All they wanted me to be is who they want me to be "bad boy"...maybe they deserve someone else... you know if you think about it .. i accepect you for who you really are...why can't you do the same for me? This is who i am ..and if you can't accept that then there is a door but you can't expect that this door will open up again for you! Anyway..i am going to bed..

Don't tell me you love me,
if you are not sincere,
for the lie that is strong
can ruin my life And
bring on a new fear,
feared to be loved, fear to be loved ever again
it can case my fragile heart to break, tear and bend.
Think of all the life that will be missed
because of one little promise
so when i put all my trust deep within you,
please don't tell me you love me
Unless, you truly do.

peace
will